Why I need a chainsaw...

When you own a house, you need to buy a lot of shit that you never thought of owning when you live in an apartment. Like: a rake, shovel, dog crap scooper, an awl (what the hell is an awl)... you know, shit like that.

Well, friends, I've decided I need a chainsaw.

Let's discuss the many uses of said chainsaw:
1. Chop down ugly ass hedges.
2. Chop down dead arborvitae (of which I have um three)
3. Cut up fallen tree branches to burn in the fireplace
4. Saw up wood for projects (what they are I don't know, but wouldn't it be fun to cut stuff?)
and
5. Amputation

That's right, I said: amputation.

I've had enough of my left arm, friends. Enough. My injuries from last summer's car accident become more irritating / painful / frustrating / pick your adjective by the day and I've had enough.

I want to chop it off.

I saw a new doctor last week (who I loved, by the way) who said -- yes, you need surgery, your arm is currently dislocated and unstable and we need to go in ASAP. I sighed. I nearly cried. And then I said, and well, ok, in addition to my shoulder issue, there's this little thing about the elbow I've been complaining about since my accident. All other doctors have blown me off about the elbow. But my good doc -- well, poke, prod, tra la. Something's very wrong here. So, ;et's look into it.

And a request for an elbow MRI.

Ok. Hell.

I've had 4, count them 4, MRIs as a result of this car accident. The two related to my arm were the most fucking painful hellish badness ever. The MRI today (of the elbow variety) was horrible. It was so painful and I thought I was going to burn up (they shoved me to the far far side of the gurney to get good images of the elbow) so I cried during the whole thing.

Let me tell you, friends, never get t-boned on the driver's side by some stupid dork dork woman (who finds the whole thing funny). Because if you do, you may want a chainsaw, too.