The flood gates open...

I called my friend the other day to say hello and chat about the what what. And suddenly, during our conversation, I started bemoaning my existence as a single woman. I had no idea I was holding in so much frustration, fear, anger, blah blah. And my poor married friend had to hear the brunt of it.

I suppose the flood gates opened because I had asked my friend to help me with some yard work (you know, the shoulder injury) and instead she decided to spend her weekend helping another random person (who she didn't know) move out of her house. Noble, yes. But I am her friend and I asked for help and she didn't help me. Even though she has been promising for 6 months that she would help me with my yard work.

I suddenly realized / remembered that I have plenty of friends who will lend a hand when it is convenient, but no one who I can count on. It's sad to know that I am not a number one person in anyone's life.

Sad, isn't it?

But, it's true. And I'm not being overdramatic. Just realistic.

So, of course, I can sit around and bemoan my existence, or I can do something productive. I may not be able to change my current circumstances, but I have the choice about how to react to them.

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is, I'm tired. I have tried. Hard. A lot. I have dated a lot of people. I have been in a lot of relationships. I have tried a lot of different techniques / ideas / places to meet the right person, and nothing seems to be working. At the moment, I'm feeling very frustrated.

And, I'm in pain. The car accident recovery has been difficult. I can't really exercise. My arm hurts like hell most of the time. I'm going to have surgery. Being in pain is exhausting. I spend a lot of time at the doctor. It's not fun.

But, somehow, I am assured that I will be fine. Regardless of what happens, I know that I will be okay.

I know it. And I believe it.